In a surprisingly dull encounter that could have been mistaken for an afternoon siesta, the mighty Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) managed to pull off a perfect impression of the French 4th division, by dispatching zero goals and drawing a 0-0 snoozer against Ligue 1 paupers Clermont. There have been unconfirmed reports of spectators rethinking their life decisions and seriously considering taking up golf as an alternative to watching such spirit-quenching soccer. These reports could not be verified as the spectators in question had already drifted into a deep sleep by halftime and were seen yawning out of the stadium. In an attempt to stir up his team's seemingly dozing spirit, PSG coach Luis Enrique, making what some may call a daring decision and others a profound misunderstanding of how things work, fielded Kylian Mbappe despite the French superstar moonwalking on the thin ice of an injury during the week. Mbappe, much to Enrique's surprise and the Clermont supporters' amusement, didn't turn out to be the cavalry that would save the day. Instead, Mbappe's afternoon was presided over by the unyielding Clermont goalkeeper Mory Diaw and officiated by his yellow card booked for diving - a move that perhaps would have served him better in the Olympic Aquatic Centre rather than a football pitch. Despite heading into the game with the bravado of reigning French champions and hopes to build on their impressive form, PSG performed about as well as a baguette in a pizza oven. The unyielding defensive efforts of Clermont proved to be more than a match for their lacklustre attack, much akin to a blindfolded French mime trying to fight off a particularly assertive croissant. One particularly poignant moment saw the PSG coach, with desperation creeping into his eyes, screaming at his players and urging them forward, only to be met with the collective gaze of 11 men who looked like they'd rather be anywhere else: the Champs Elysées, a bistro in Montmartre, even an proceedings at an EU meeting on cheese regulation. In a post-match press conference, the PSG coach was seen trying to put a brave face on things, reflecting on 'an off day' and looking forward to the Champions League face-off against Newcastle. One can only hope that PSG's monotony-infused performance against Clermont was merely a masterful tactical ploy to catch Newcastle napping. Or, in a tragically ironic twist, it could be PSG who are caught yawning when the English tea party kicks off. Only time, and possibly a stronger cup of coffee, will tell.