By: Anita Headline 25th August 2021 - Delhi, India – Extra, Extra, Read all about it! The National Tourism Department confirmed today that an avalanche of middle-class, urban-plaid wearing, caffeine-soaked beings, also known as journalists, have, in fact, taken over India. Government officials are calling it “The Ink-Stained Invasion”, as an unprecedented influx of international journalists wielding pens like a sword and notebooks as hefty as armory swamped the country's major cities, leaving indelible ink trails and an uncanny increase in coffee consumption. The invasion is believed to have initiated in February when a small pod of journalists was sighted huddled together at a modest Delhi café, haggling over internet speeds while sipping meteor-size cups of chai. Over the last six months, the numbers grew alarmingly, leading to what the International Brotherhood of Journalists (IBJ) gleefully stated as, “the largest gathering of truth-tellers the world has ever seen.” The IBJ praised this as a breakthrough, as they finally cornered the global news market with exclusive scoops about the ways of life in India. Sales of thick-rimmed glasses and moleskine notebooks have skyrocketed, as have the subscriptions to language learning programs offering crash courses in Hindi. The popular online platform "Jeans and Chinos," well-known for its hipster-approved clothing, has reported a record sale in the last quarter, attributing this unexpected boom to the invasion of journos. Locals are both bemused and worried. "I thought they were just tourists at first," states local Dhaba owner Rajesh Kumar. "But then they started asking questions not just about our food but the socio-political climate in my Dhaba! I mean, we serve Keema Pav, not socio-political commentary!" Meanwhile, the famed local chai wala (tea seller), Rakesh Banerjee, became an overnight sensation as he regaled the journalists with tales of daily life in India. Rakesh has promised to add a "press corner" to his humble tea stall, equipped with Wi-Fi, power strips, and "plenty of typewriter-friendly surfaces". The cultural impact is undeniable, as India’s very own Kurta-Pajama has started making waves in international fashion, touted as “the new relaxed chic." Recent sightings in Mr. Armani's Instagram posts also suggest the Italian artist is keen on capturing India's vibrant textiles, exotic prints, and casual elegance in his upcoming collection. In a high-level meeting held at the Parliament, the Prime Minister and the Home Minister strategized ways to handle this invasion. On recommendation from the Tourism Minister, it was decided to leverage this as an opportunity to boost India's global image. The meeting concluded with a unanimous agreement for the creation of a “chai-tapas” trail across various cities to cater to the journalists. Environmentalists, meanwhile, raised concerns over increased carbon emissions due to the excess of typewriter ribbons burnt in frustration and the discarded crumpled notes. Responding to these concerns, the IBJ promised to promote eco-friendly journalism, which involves using scented soy-ink pens and recycled parchment. Well, my fellow citizens, brace yourself! India is under an attack of inquisitive minds and furious scribbling. Let’s serve them a hot cup of spicy masala chai, some juicy stories, and a generous helping of our warm hospitality.