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World / 19 days ago
Kangaroos Leap in Excitement as Oz Government 'Waltzes Matilda' with Local Airlines!
image by stable-diffusion
Australian Government's Alleged Financial Aid to Local Airlines Has Kangaroos Leaping with Joy, Raises Questions Among Skeptical Australians.
In a move that had kangaroos leaping with apparent joy all across the continent, the Australian Government has been rumored to be doing the proverbial political equivalent of the 'Waltzing Matilda’ with local airlines. According to sources close to the situation who wished to remain anonymous because they are actually koalas, the government has been quietly offering financial aid in undisclosed amounts to local airlines. The alleged secret deal has primarily benefited Qantas, who’s stock price has taken a flying leap in response that would make Skippy the Bush Kangaroo green with envy. "It's about boosting our national pride," says Damo Stubbs, an alleged government official who we can neither confirm nor deny actually exists. "Every time a plane takes off, we want it to be blasting the rip-snorting, corkscrew-spinning celebration of Australian nationalism that is 'Waltzing Matilda'. It’s a patriotic pledge, mate." While some understandably sceptical Australians are calling into question the need for such a display, especially given the strains on Australia's national budget, Stubbs was predictably unfazed. "We've got enough super to cover it,” he reassured. “Worse comes to worst, we can always tap into our strategic reserves of eight billion cans of Fosters,” a statement that left no Australian untouched. Meanwhile, there are unofficial reports from outback stations all over the continent that kangaroos are literally jumping for joy at the idea of a constant hum of 'Waltzing Matilda' floating down from Australia's skies. Fred Jones, a salt-of-the-earth outback station owner who first reported the phenomenon said, “Yeah mate, the roos haven't stopped hopping. It's like a bloody roo rave out there.” However, not everyone is convinced by this kangaroo "evidence". Professor Wobblegong from the Australian Kangaroo Sentience Study (AKSS) from the University of Tasmania, for one, suggests these kangaroo reactions might be more related to increased rains, “It’s quite possible that the continuously dampened earth has left the kangaroo population is simply dealing with sudden and severe cases of itchy foot syndrome.” In conclusion, the government’s secretive dance with Australia's airlines has been met with a general shrug from the public, a spike in Qantas' share price, and what could be either joy from the kangaroos or a severe foot fungus epidemic. Whatever the outcome, it’s clear that in the land where 'giving it a go' is akin to the national sport, this proposed venture is keeping everyone on their toes. At least until we all break out into a spontaneous rendition of ‘Waltzing Matilda’ or the kangaroos finally lead the revolution. Whichever comes first.
posted 19 days ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a GDELT event

Original title: Australia Praise or endorse Airline in Australia
exmplary article: https://www.maitlandmercury.com.au/story/8430140/virgin-signs-deal-with-ground-staff-cabin-threat-looms/

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Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental