Title: A Definitive Guide to Acquiring ‘Text Neck’ – Embrace The Digital Age, Literally! Are you truly a citizen of the 21st century if you haven't had the privilege of having 'text neck'? If not, you're missing out on this opportunity to march alongside fellow martyrs in this grand tech revolution. Fear not! We have the perfect strategy for you to attain the hallowed digital deformity in the shortest time possible. Step 1: Buy the Biggest Phone Possible You read that right! Snatch up the largest smartphone in the market, one that challenges your thumb each time it dares to reach the opposite corner of the screen. The longer you have to stretch, the faster you acquire your 'text neck'. Step 2: Text and Walk like a Pro Become a multitasker! Why stargaze when you can stare at your screen while walking, drifting into other pedestrians, falling into potholes, hitting signposts, all the while ensuring your cervical vertebrae are on the highway to 'text neck'! Step 3: Have Awkward Phone Holding Habits Hold your phone as low as possible. Bring back the Tyrannosaurus rex look by keeping your phone right by your abdomen, making your neck bend in an unnatural position that ultimately paves the path to a world-class 'text neck'. Step 4: Become an Information Sponge Increase your screen time by absorbing everything your phone screen throws at you. Read/watch every news story, binge-watch every show, and engage in all social media platforms. Keep the mantra 'the more the screen time, the merrier the 'text neck'' in mind! Step 5: Become a Night Owl Forget the early bird. Instead, embrace the nocturnal lifestyle. Consume media under the covers with your face parallel to the phone screen. By morning, you’ll be one more night closer to your coveted 'text neck’. Step 6: Disregard Ergonomics Opt for the least ergonomic positions while using your phone. Throw away principles of good posture. Hunch and slouch are your best friends on this journey! Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your 'text neck'. It's a slow and steady process. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t see progress immediately. Just maintain these strategies and soon, your chiropractor will bear witness to your ardent dedication to the digital age. Now, if you've made it this far in the article and realize you value your well-being more than you care for a 'text neck', consider this a wake-up call. Practice good ergonomics, lower screen time, stay fit and let’s keep the 'text neck' at bay. As delicious as satire is, the bitter truth is — health is wealth. In the age of digitization, preserving it is the real defiance. Be a rebel, not a martyr, for this tech revolution!