The Synthetic Times
=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
/ 3 hours ago
Politics / Business /
King of Towers Trump Swaps Throne for Court Bench, Courtesy of a 'Deranged' Judge's Fraud Finding!
From Tower to Bench: The Unexpected Twist in Trump's Legal Saga Unfolds!
/ 17 hours ago
Politics /
Teachers, Students Master New Curriculum: Active Shooter Avoidance Near Morgan State University!
Teachers and students at schools near Morgan State University trade traditional studies for Active Shooter Avoidance 101, navigating the harsh reality of evading real threats. Satirical news takes a somber turn as education pauses to acknowledge the eerie winds of a grim reality.
/ 20 hours ago
Politics /
Hunter Biden Channels Inner Gun-Slinger, Says 'Not Guilty' to Federal Charges After Allegedly Misfiring Truth
Hunter Biden channels his inner gun-slinger as he pleads 'Not Guilty' to federal charges, bringing a touch of the Wild West to a Delaware courtroom.
/ a day ago
Politics /
Judge Gives Trump Timeout for Naughty Social Media Antics in Fraud Case
Judge puts Trump on timeout for social media antics in fraud case, but will the former president ever grow up?
/ 2 days ago
Politics /
Nobel Prize Rewards COVID-19 Vaccine Wizards; Supreme Court Reopens; 'PAW Patrol' Claims Box Office Throne
Nobel Prize honors COVID-19 vaccine pioneers, Supreme Court reopens, and 'PAW Patrol' reigns at the box office, delivering a surprising end to the month.
/ 2 days ago
Politics /
Newsom Faces Pressure to Swap Senate Seat for 'Wonder Woman' Barbara Lee!
Governor Newsom faces pressure to appoint 'Wonder Woman' Barbara Lee as the next California Senator, as public opinion demands diversity and representation. Will this political drama be a box office smash or a flop? Stay tuned to find out!
/ 2 days ago
Politics /
India Kicks Out 40 Canadian Diplomats Over Trudeau's 'Terrorist Murder Mystery' Accusations
Canada and India engage in a diplomatic tussle as India expels 40 Canadian diplomats over accusations linking them to a "terrorist murder mystery," causing confusion and frustration among the Canadian officials in India. The dispute escalates, leaving the global diplomatic community on edge.
/ 2 days ago
Politics /
Raise a Nimbu Pani! Shastri’s 119th Birthday Party Takes on Gandhian Simplicity and Future-Obsessed Panache
Lal Bahadur Shastri: Celebrating Simplicity and Future-Obsessed Panache
/ 5 days ago
Politics /
Hunter Biden's Elusive $250K 'Personal Investment': Lost in Translation or Creative Accounting?
Unfolding Mystery: Hunter Biden's $250K 'Personal Investment' Sparks Questions of Translation or Accounting Tricks
/ 5 days ago
Politics /
EU Council Hits Snooze Button on Ukraine Refugee Situation Until 2025
EU Council's "snooze button" approach extends Ukrainian refugee situation until 2025, leaving critics skeptical about effective problem-solving.
/ 6 days ago
Politics /
Star Republican Witness Pulls the Rug from Under Attempt to Impeach Biden with Lack of Evidence
Legal expert Jonathan Turley delivers a stunning blow to the GOP's attempt to impeach President Biden, leaving Republicans scrambling for a new strategy.
/ 6 days ago
Politics /
Vivek Ramaswamy: A Misguided Knight Jousting At The Illusion Of Identity Politics
Vivek Ramaswamy: A Political Crusader Battling Illusions in Identity Politics
/ 6 days ago
Politics /
Senator Menendez's Midas Touch: Turns Democrat Party Into Solid Gold Trouble!
Senator Menendez's scandalous actions turn the Democratic Party into a solid gold trouble, leaving them tarnished and in turmoil.
/ 7 days ago
Politics / Business /
Caught in 4th Gear: Press Secretary Jean-Pierre Battles Journalist Pile-Up Over Biden's UAW Picket Revolution!
Caught in 4th Gear: Press Secretary Jean-Pierre expertly deflects a journalist onslaught over Biden's UAW picket, showcasing the grace and poise of a skilled samurai in the face of relentless questioning.
/ 7 days ago
Politics /
Unruly American Tourist Targets North Korean Border for Surprise Visit, Gets Evicted
American tourist's audacious border stunt in North Korea ends in eviction and international controversy
/ 7 days ago
Politics /
Democratic Senator Gives Masterclass in 'How Not to Politic,' Colleagues Justly Suggest Curtain Call
Senator Menendez's scandalous bribery charges serve as a cautionary tale of 'How Not to Politic,' prompting colleagues to suggest his much-needed exit from the political stage.
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Hunter Biden Sues Giuliani in 'Grand Theft Laptop' Case; Claims Giuliani's Attempt at Digital Espionage as Riveting as a Virtual Soap Opera!
Hunter Biden Sues Giuliani in 'Grand Theft Laptop' Case; Claims Giuliani's Attempt at Digital Espionage as Riveting as a Virtual Soap Opera! Will the real-world game of digital Cluedo reveal the truth behind the lost laptop?
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Russia Plays "Virtual Magic Trick", Allegedly Resurrects 'Dead' Admiral for a Zoom Meeting
Russia shocks the world with a virtual resurrection: Admiral 'returns' for a Zoom meeting, leaving international onlookers bewildered and intrigued.
/ 8 days ago
Politics / Entertainment /
Iraqi Wedding Planner Discovered Alternative Worst Case Scenario As Fire Burns Down Venue
Unforeseen fire at Iraqi wedding leaves wedding planner shocked and highlights the need for preparation in worst-case scenarios.
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Russian Admiral Plays Deadly Game of Battleship in Black Sea, Loses According to Ukraine
Russian Admiral sinks in intense real-life game of Battleship in Black Sea, claims Ukraine. New rules for maritime warfare on the horizon.
/ 8 days ago
Politics / Business /
Heroic Shakira Hips Shake Off Rhythm, Allegedly Salsa-Dances Around £5.75 million in Taxes
Shakira's hips may not lie, but her tax returns allegedly do as she faces charges of defrauding the Spanish treasury of £5.75 million, taking her iconic moves from the stage to the courtroom. Will she dazzle the judges with her dance skills or will justice be served salsa style? Stay tuned.
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Supreme Court Swipes Left on Alabama's GOP-Dating Profile...Err, Congressional Map Again!
Alabama's GOP-drawn congressional maps once again fail to impress the Supreme Court, as the state is urged to add diversity and fairness to its districts. The court-appointed official will now draw the lines for the upcoming 2024 election.
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Justice League's Newest Member, Judge, Slaps Trump with Super-Inflated Property Valuation Fraud!
Judge 'Justice' and Super-Prosecutor 'Wonder' unite to expose Trump's inflated property valuation fraud in an epic legal showdown!
/ 8 days ago
Politics /
Ukrainian Missile Throws Massive, Unwanted 'Grain Party' in Southern Poland!
Ukrainian missile mishap turns Southern Poland into a grain-filled party haven, where joy and carbs collide!
/ 14 days ago
Politics /
West Point Penalized for Apparently Confusing 'Uniform' Admissions with 'Uniforms'; Anti-Affirmative Action Group Steps in to Clear Mix-Up
Equalizing admission policies and uniforms: Anti-affirmative action group challenges West Point's seemingly confusing 'uniform' admissions with 'uniforms'.
/ 14 days ago
Politics /
Ukraine Scoffs at Georgia's Wild 'James Bond-esque' Coup Plot Allegations: 'We're Just Here for Borshch!'
Ukraine laughs off Georgia's wild coup plot allegations, asserting their focus on borscht rather than espionage.
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Business /
America's Biggest Yard Sale Ever; Five Citizens Swapped for $6bn and Five Iranians!
America's historic yard sale swaps citizens for Iranians, setting a record-breaking deal of $6 billion, while eBay offers to streamline future swaps through their online marketplace.
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Unpaid Bar Tabs? Giuliani's Ex-Lawyers Sue Over IOU Worthy $1.4 Million Legal Fee Bill
Rudy Giuliani faces a $1.4 million legal fee lawsuit after allegedly failing to pay his former lawyers, highlighting the importance of staying on top of unpaid bills.
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Trudeau Blames Bollywood Plot Twist on India for Dastardly Canadian Sikh Assassination!
Trudeau's Bollywood-inspired accusations and a Sikh leader's assassination become the spectacular drama of international relations. Will this plot twist prove to be true or just another political spectacle?
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Business /
China plays game of 'Airplane Tag' with Taiwan, Sets Personal Best with 103 Planes!
China's 'Airplane Tag' over Taiwan sets new record with 103 warplanes, leaving global political spectators both concerned and amused.
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Beijing Returns Drug Accusations Serve: 'We're Not Your Dealer, Washington!'
Beijing fires back at Washington's drug accusations: "We're not your dealer, America!" as tensions rise between the two countries.
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Zelenskyy Suggests Putin's Got his Eye on World War III in 'Battleship: Real Life Edition'
Ukrainian President warns of Putin's dangerous game in 'Battleship: Real Life Edition', raising concerns of a potential World War III and the stakes being higher than ever.
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Technology / Business /
Erdogan Attempts to Seduce Musk with Kebabs and Turkish Delight to Score Tesla Factory
Turkish President Tempts Tesla CEO Elon Musk with Gastronomy Diplomacy for New Factory Location
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Westchester Local Escapes Extended Iranian 'Vacation', Books Express Flight to DC
Westchester local escapes an extended Iranian 'vacation' and books a flight to Washington D.C. after eight years of imprisonment, ready to share his unforgettable experiences and write a gripping memoir.
/ 16 days ago
Politics /
Biden Junior Declares Open Season on IRS, Finds Tax Privacy More Elusive Than One of His Dad's Whispered Secrets
Hunter Biden, known as "Biden Junior," takes on the IRS in a battle for tax privacy, claiming they have been more successful at uncovering his secrets than foreign governments. Will he find the transparency he seeks, or be left with more unanswered questions?
/ 17 days ago
Politics /
Ukrainians Unleash Trio of Terrible Brigades, Finally Send Klishchiivka to Break-Up Therapy with Donetsk Oblast; Canada Funds Air Defense Facelift with $25 Million!
Ukraine's triumph in reclaiming Klishchiivka and Canada's generous aid to fortify air defense showcase the resilience and solidarity amidst ongoing conflicts.