The Synthetic Times
=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
/ 3 hours ago
Politics / Business /
King of Towers Trump Swaps Throne for Court Bench, Courtesy of a 'Deranged' Judge's Fraud Finding!
From Tower to Bench: The Unexpected Twist in Trump's Legal Saga Unfolds!
/ 16 hours ago
Business / Sports /
Medvedev Breezes Past Zverev to China Open Final: Will It Be Sinner or Alcaraz Next in Russian's Winning Streak?
Medvedev's dominant win sets the stage for a thrilling China Open final against Sinner or Alcaraz: who will prevail in this clash of tennis titans?
/ 2 days ago
Business /
Birkenstock to Trade Sandals for Stocks, Seeks $9.2B Valuation in Upcoming NYSE Stiletto Debut!
Birkenstock Steps into the Stock Market: Sandals Stride Towards a $9.2B Valuation in Upcoming NYSE Debut!
/ 7 days ago
Politics / Business /
Caught in 4th Gear: Press Secretary Jean-Pierre Battles Journalist Pile-Up Over Biden's UAW Picket Revolution!
Caught in 4th Gear: Press Secretary Jean-Pierre expertly deflects a journalist onslaught over Biden's UAW picket, showcasing the grace and poise of a skilled samurai in the face of relentless questioning.
/ 8 days ago
Technology / Business /
Amazon Accused of Playing Monopoly IRL; Feds and States Say It's Not a Board Game Anymore!
Amazon accused of monopolistic behavior as regulators claim the e-commerce giant is squeezing out competitors and favoring its own products in the online shopping landscape, prompting a legal showdown that could transform the way we shop or lead to a riveting season of attorney smackdown. Are we witnessing the rise of a real-life monopoly player?
/ 8 days ago
Business /
UK's Grassroots Music Venues Croon the Blues, Send SOS to Chancellor Hunt in A Concerted Effort
UK grassroots music venues cry out for help as they face closure, prompting fears of a nationwide shortage of amateur musicians. Will the government strike the right chord and save these dimly-lit, beer-soaked proving grounds?
/ 8 days ago
Politics / Business /
Heroic Shakira Hips Shake Off Rhythm, Allegedly Salsa-Dances Around £5.75 million in Taxes
Shakira's hips may not lie, but her tax returns allegedly do as she faces charges of defrauding the Spanish treasury of £5.75 million, taking her iconic moves from the stage to the courtroom. Will she dazzle the judges with her dance skills or will justice be served salsa style? Stay tuned.
/ 8 days ago
Business /
Thailand Rolls Out Red Carpet and Visa-Free Travel for Chinese Tourists - Peacocks and Thai Dancers Not Included in Carry-On Allowance!
Thailand welcomes Chinese tourists with visa-free travel and surprises at every turn!
/ 8 days ago
Business /
Despite Cars Evolving into Rolling Fortresses, Roadway Deaths Continue to Spike - Invisible Bikes Perhaps?
Roadway deaths continue to rise despite advancements in car safety, prompting questions about driving ineptitude or the selective invisibility of cyclists. The idea of "invisible bikes" is gaining traction, leading some to suggest outlandish safety measures like painting bicycles neon pink with unicorn decals or having cyclists wear clown suits with flashing lights.
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Business /
America's Biggest Yard Sale Ever; Five Citizens Swapped for $6bn and Five Iranians!
America's historic yard sale swaps citizens for Iranians, setting a record-breaking deal of $6 billion, while eBay offers to streamline future swaps through their online marketplace.
/ 16 days ago
Technology / Business /
Missing Marine Jet Plays Hide and Seek in South Carolina Lakes, Pilot Touches Ground Safely
Missing Marine jet sends South Carolina on a wild game of hide and seek, as pilot safely touches ground but elusive aircraft stays hidden in picturesque lakes.
/ 16 days ago
Business / Sports /
F1 Upset: Carlos Sainz's Ferrari Ruins Red Bull's Winning Streak, Claims Victory at Singapore Grand Prix
Carlos Sainz shocks F1 world, snatches victory from Red Bull at Singapore Grand Prix, shaking up the season's dominance.
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Business /
China plays game of 'Airplane Tag' with Taiwan, Sets Personal Best with 103 Planes!
China's 'Airplane Tag' over Taiwan sets new record with 103 warplanes, leaving global political spectators both concerned and amused.
/ 16 days ago
Politics / Technology / Business /
Erdogan Attempts to Seduce Musk with Kebabs and Turkish Delight to Score Tesla Factory
Turkish President Tempts Tesla CEO Elon Musk with Gastronomy Diplomacy for New Factory Location
/ 17 days ago
Business / Sports /
Red Bull Dreams Turn Into Nightmares at Singapore GP as Ferrari's Sainz Cruises to Pole Position
Ferrari's Carlos Sainz casts a spell on Red Bull at Singapore GP, claiming pole position in a shocking upset. Dreams of an unbeaten season crumble as the 'sorcerer of Singapore' takes the spotlight.
/ 24 days ago
Business / Entertainment /
Climate Activists Claim Major Roadway in The Hague; Dutch Motorists Forced to Swap Cars for Bicycles in Effort to Save Planet!
Dutch motorists forced to switch gears as climate activists block major roadway, promoting a greener future on two wheels.
/ 25 days ago
Business / Entertainment /
Marc Bohan, Dior Legend and Designer of Waistlines Slimmer Than a Hollywood Diet, Check Out at 97
Remembering Marc Bohan: The Designer Who Redefined Waistlines and Left a Sartorial Legacy at 97.
/ a month ago
Politics / Business /
Russian Agricultural Bank to Play 'SWIFT' Farmville with Global Economy Soon!
Russian Agricultural Bank Takes a Gamble on the Global Economy, Enters SWIFT to Play Farmville with the World
/ a month ago
Business /
Saudi Arabia Continues Self-Imposed Oil Diet, Loses 1 Million Barrels Daily Until Year's End
Saudi Arabia embarks on a sustained oil diet, losing 1 million barrels daily, in a bid to become the world's most sought-after diet coach, despite concerns about the long-term impact on the nation's oil-dependent economy.
/ a month ago
Business /
UK Businesses Master the Art of Slow-Motion Collapse as PMI Tanks!
UK businesses redefine the art of collapse as PMI plummets, showcasing a masterclass in economic calamity.
/ a month ago
Business /
Identity Thieves: Creating Accounts Faster Than You Can Say 'Natural Disaster'
Identity thieves are opening accounts faster than ever, surpassing America's favorite pastimes. Stay vigilant and protect your digital identity before it's too late.
/ a month ago
Politics / Business /
Russia Crashes Ukraine's Grain Party Ahead of Putin-Erdogan Hoedown!
Russia's fiery interruption sparks chaos at Ukraine's grain party, stealing the spotlight ahead of Putin-Erdogan showdown!
/ a month ago
Business /
China Puts Trampolines in Stocks, As Investors Bounce Back After Record Sell-Off!
China's Innovative Trampoline Solution Helps Investors Bounce Back from Record Sell-Off
/ a month ago
Business /
China's Banking Bigwigs Play Rate-Cut Roulette in a Desperate Bid to Rekindle Property Market's Dream-Romance with Economy!
China's banking bigwigs roll the dice with rate cuts to revive the property market and boost the economy. Will their risky gamble pay off or lead to an economic tango?
/ a month ago
Business /
Wilko Employees Bid Adieu to Jobs as M2 Capital Throws Inadequate Financial Lifeline
The fairytale ending turns into the harsh reality for Wilko employees as M2 Capital's financial lifeline falls short. Inadequate support leaves the workforce facing an uncertain future.
/ a month ago
Business /
Math Olympics: Kids Sweat Through Summer Relay, Trying to Outrun Pandemic Learning Loss!
Math Relays: Elementary Kids Run Towards Math Mastery while Battling Pandemic Learning Loss
/ a month ago
Business /
Native Americans Lured to Desert for Rehab, Encounter Scammers Instead: Cacti Offer Better Support!
Native Americans in the sweltering Arizona desert find themselves lured into an internet rehab scam, but instead, discover the support they need in the unwavering resilience of desert cacti.
/ a month ago
Business /
AAA Reveals Shocking Truth: Travelers Actually Use Long Weekends to Travel!
The shocking truth: Americans are using long weekends to travel instead of staying home. Find out why the couch potatoes are losing out this Labor Day.
/ a month ago
Business / Sports /
Morikawa's Birdie Bonanza Leaves Scheffler Sulking in the Shadows
Collin Morikawa's stunning performance at the Tour Championship leaves competitors in awe and rethinking their strategies.
/ a month ago
Politics / Business /
Andaman's Ex-Chess King Still Allowed to Bail Out from the Checkmate of Rape Allegations
Chess King's escape from rape allegations raises questions about justice in Andaman's judicial system
/ a month ago
Technology / Business /
Minecraft Meets Call of Duty: Microsoft's Quest to Woo the Brits by Tossing the Game's Cloud Over to Ubisoft
Microsoft makes a daring move to win over the Brits by giving Ubisoft the cloud streaming rights for Activision Blizzard games, in what could either be a game-changing partnership or a tech debacle reminiscent of a Monty Python sketch.
/ a month ago
Business / Entertainment /
Sizzling Southwest Flight Reveals New Flame-Jet Feature, Cancun Trip Voted Too Hot to Handle!
Sizzling Southwest Flight puts on a fiery show, leaving passengers craving the 'Fly-n-Fry' experience!
/ 2 months ago
Business /
Russia's Lively Game of Monopoly: Coaxing Exporters to Boost Ruble, No Hotel on Board-walk Just Yet!
Russia's government rolls the economic dice in a high-stakes game of Monopoly, coaxing exporters to boost the ruble by surrendering more of their foreign revenues. Will this strategy secure a victory or land them in economic jail?
/ 2 months ago
Business /
Borrowers Treating Interest-Only Mortgages Like Monopoly Money, Overestimate Debt-Clearing Abilities
The shocking truth: Borrowers treating interest-only mortgages like Monopoly money face a rude awakening.
/ 2 months ago
Politics / Business /
Mother Nature's Rain Check Turns Deadly in Himachal Pradesh, Takes Toll on Real Estate
Mother Nature's cloudburst wreaks havoc on Himachal Pradesh, causing a downturn in the local real estate market. Residents and agents scramble to redefine their living spaces amidst the aftermath of destruction.
/ 2 months ago
Politics / Business /
Dutch Firm Sneezes Out $2.8 bln to Snag 15% of Philips: Promises to Stick Around!
Exor NV invests $2.8 billion for 15% stake in Philips, promising long-term partnership in the world of healthcare technology.