"Beijing: 'We're Not Your Dealer, Washington!'" In an audacious display of righteous indignation, Beijing shot back at Washington's accusations, declaring, "We're not your dealer, Washington!" The Chinese capital went a step further, hinting that it might start charging the U.S. administration for slander. The fuming reply came in response to a White House memorandum issued on Friday, wherein U.S. President Joe Biden penned and broadcasted his latest Netflix binge-watch list - except this time, it comprised of names of countries he accused of being "major drug transit" or "major illicit drug producing nations." List-toppers included the likes of China, Mexico, Afghanistan, and Hollywood. Chinese Spokesperson Lu Kang, possibly pacing furiously through his office at 2 AM Beijing time with two empty coffee cups and a half-eaten steamed bun, responded, “So now we're drug dealers? Is there any job America won't outsource anymore?!" China, shocked to be mistaken for the lead character in a 'Breaking Bad' sequel, hastily sought to defend its reputation. "We've implemented the strictest drug control policy. We've put opium plants on the endangered species list, we've got pandas chasing down potential drug traffickers, and we've even banned 'Scarface' DVDs from our stores, what more do they want?!" "The Chinese government is not running a secret basement meth lab under the Great Wall", Lu added sternly, still clutching a cup of coffee, his third for the night. In a thinly veiled jab at Washington's legal marijuana industry, Lu iterated, "China doesn't do drugs. We've strictly kept to bubble tea. Have you tried bubble tea?! It's way better than pot, and it doesn't give you the munchies!" In the midst of the media frenzy, numerous panda GIFs have been circulating on Weibo, showcasing the furry bears donning police uniforms and arresting cartoon drug dealers. The hashtags #ChinaNotYourDealer and #JustSayNoToDrugs, started trending, marking an unexpected triumph in the global PR war of words. At press time, White House officials were reportedly scrambling to respond, though rumor has it, they were considering sending a peace offering of gourmet doughnuts and quality java to their Chinese counterparts.