UK: Breaking barriers and sprinting away from environmental commitments, Britain's Rosebank Project, also known as the “Great British Salute to Global Warming,” has once again stirred the climate change cauldron. Expanding the horizon of environmental oblivion, the Rosebank Project, planned west of Shetland, hopes to pump about 300 million barrels of oil over the next two decades. This will result in the grand emission of around 125 million tonnes of CO2, proudly placing Britain on the exclusive list of contributors to global warming. Notably, this project is the cherub of Equinor, SSE and Suncor, companies that had once labelled themselves staunch eco-warriors fighting for noble causes like 'preserving the planet' and 'reducing emissions'. Now it looks like the companies have had a baffling loss of memory, filled with brain-wiping bouts of amnesia regarding their “pledges” and “commitments.” Equinor's promise to "align with society" rings somewhat hollow now…unless, of course, they're talking about aligning with the society residing in the Sahara Desert, which is where the UK will decidedly resemble in the not-so-distant future if more pipelines of oil projects like the Rosebank are given the green light. "It’s an audacious move, really," said fictitious climate analyst, Polly Green. "It's like they're saying, 'yeah, we see that climate emergency, and we're going to raise you one apocalyptic fossil fuel project.' Absolutely genius." Despite common knowledge that extracting fossil fuels is indeed harmful to the environment, the companies involved plough on regardless, determined to squeeze every last drop of oil from beneath the Earth’s crust, preferably before we hit that pesky 1.5°C global warming cap. Simon Sweeney, imaginary spokesperson for the consortium, stated, "We've found that the best way to frame this project is as an economic stimulant. Sure, we'll probably need all the money for a myriad of climate change-related disasters, but that's Future Us's problem." Meanwhile, environmental advocacy groups are doing everything short of painting themselves green and chaining themselves to parliament in protest. "Seriously?" said fictional spokesperson, Bloom McCool, head of the imaginary environment advocacy group, 'Common Sense.' "The hypocrisy is staggering! They’re just blatantly flipping off the Paris Agreement while simultaneously claiming to be committed to preserving the environment! It's like robbing a bank while lecturing about financial ethics." In conclusion, the Rosebank Project is surely set to be a shining symbol of mankind’s enduring commitment to self-destruction, burning brightly for all to see, and especially feel in the forthcoming summers. On the brighter side, it’s good news for the air conditioning industry. Something to look forward to.