CALGARY, ALBERTA – If someone asked you to picture the quintessential North American cowboy, chances are your mind’s Stetson-wearing, horse-riding stereotype would saunter out from the sun-dappled fields of Texas. But the famed cowboy culture of Texas is under threat, thanks to a surprising new force on the American frontier: those wild and woolly Canuck-freebooters from the Great White North, known to the general populace as "Mounties." Yes, friends, in an unparalleled bout of politeness, the Canadian city of Calgary has resolved to invade the Lone Star state, to replace ten-gallon hats with RCMP Stetsons, BBQ with poutine, and the word 'Y'all' with... well, anything else. "The invasion is not about coercion; it's more about showing alternate perspectives on horse-related heritage," says Calgary Mayor, Justin Beaver. Yes, you heard correctly. They're coming for the Cowboys. Texas, the last bastion of all things western, filled with revolvers, rodeos and Wrangler jeans, has got a red serge targeted situation on its hands. The absurdity began with Calgary's annual Stampede festival, or as the locals affectionately call it, the “Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth”. This year, instead of inviting Texas to participate, they've decided to head south themselves, chuckling sinisterly behind their maple leaf flags. "I reckon it's time folks down in the south get a taste of our own festivities," Mayor Beaver drawls, sounding uncannily like a farmer hawking apples. Beaver, known for his faux cowboy couture and strict regime of only Tim Horton's coffee, seems to genuinely believe he's the Messiah of a new cowpoke culture. "Instead of roping bulls, we'll be catching them politely. It's time we spread the 'please' and 'thank you' of rodeos." Meanwhile, the Texans are far from thrilled. "I didn’t fight in two World Wars to fend off Mounties and whatever muskrat meal they're serving," barks Dusty 'The Roughrider' Roberts, famed cowboy and local Texan legend. "If them Mounties think they can waltz into Texas and take our cowboy hats, they've got another think coming." Yet, as the first shipment of Canadian Mounties touch down in Dallas, swinging their batons politely and apologizing profusely, it seems the days of the cowboy are in trouble. How could you resist the charm of a crime-fighting cowboy who could bust a drug ring before breakfast, and then make you a stack of pancakes with imported maple syrup while explaining the merits of universal healthcare? Look out Texas; the Mounties are coming, and they're armed with RCMP badges, a sense of absurd politeness, and a grim determination to show the world that when it comes to the hierarchy of chaps-wearing horse-riders, Canada’s top dog. Or would that be top moose? Who'd have thought that the Wild West's only hope would be to circle their wagons, not against outlaw gangs or warring tribes, but against an onrushing tide of Canadian decency? This is definitely a showdown for the storybooks — or at least, a particularly entertaining episode of South Park.