In a desperate bid to accurately describe its increasing catastrophic weather conditions that have been causing extreme flooding, drought, and unusually high temperatures across the country, the United Kingdom is said to be resorting to dusting off ancient Scottish vocabulary. “We’ve exhausted the English language with words like ‘severe’, ‘extreme’, and ‘devastating’. We were so flustered, we almost resorted to using emojis,” says Reginald Humperdinck, a representative of the UK’s Met Office. “Eventually, we realized the Scots had words ideal for the descriptors we needed.” Following series of meetings in smoke-filled rooms with the assistance of some whisky and haggis, the experts have dug up the old Gaelic lexicon, unearthing terms that only people born before the Battle of Culloden might understand, let alone pronounce correctly. "We found phrases like 'Strìochdadh trom' which translates to 'heavy battering' or 'immersion' and is perfect for representing the relentless torrential rains we have been experiencing," explains language expert, Bonnie MacGibbon. "And of course, there’s 'Sgaoileadh làn-bhàisteach' or 'full-scale soaking'. Both offer a good indication of the UK’s average day." While the move has been welcomed by language preservationists, critics argue that updating Webster’s dictionary would’ve been easier than attempting to incorporate ancient, barely pronounced words into everyday jargon. “Every Brit already starts their conversation discussing the weather; now they’ll have to add a language lesson too!” scoffs Alex DeLarge, a disillusioned London-based linguist. “Next they’ll be recommending we’re all put on an intensive ancient Gaelic course!” Meanwhile, the Scots are flattered, or bemused – it's hard to tell. “We can't fathom if we should feel pride for our language being of use in such dire times, or whether we should just laugh at Englishmen tying their tongues in knots,” says Jamie McTavish, grinning fiendishly. In the shadow of the rising climate crisis, the rest of the world is eying these developments with anxious curiosity. Icy Nordic countries are ruminating on exploring Inuit expressions for snow while parched Middle Eastern nations are likely to delve into colloquial Bedouin terms for sandstorms. While these new terms may baffle a good portion of Britain’s populace for a while, it’s a harsh reminder that countries may run out of words before they run out of disastrous climate situations to describe.