You can smell the smoke in the chambers of Parliament this week as the sizzling debate around climate change intensifies to the heat level of a well-done steak (or tofu, if you’re one of the Green MPs—I hear they're fond of that stuff). The Conservative Party have cast the Green MPs in the role of "Climate Zealots," an honorific usually reserved for folks who sell all their worldly possessions in anticipation of an apocalypse, or in this case, the predicted cataclysmic results of our dreadfully excessive carbon emissions. Certainly, the Green MPs are showing no sign of chucking their reusable coffee cups just yet At issue is the 'net' part of net zero, in an effort to reduce our nation's carbon footprint down to, well, zilch. Zero. Nada. Nothing but a shade of emerald green on a graph, representing the country’s carbon neutrality. You see, net zero is like dieting by counting all the calories you burn and ensuring they equal or exceed the excessive amount you eat. Or, if we use climate-relevant jargon, it's about balancing the GHG emissions we're churning out with the carbon captured or offset. In essence, feeding the atmosphere a balanced diet of carbon in and carbon out. Now the Tories, with their characteristic mix of fierce opposition and furrowed brows, have labelled the Green MPs as "Climate Crusaders," a badge the Greens seem to wear with ecstatic glee. You can almost see the jubilant gleam of righteousness in their recycled-rubber-shod feet as they stride confidently towards an apparently inevitable future of renewable energy, lower emissions and, dare we say, fewer cows. While the Green MPs are revelling in their new roles as "Saviours of Planet Earth", the Tories, not wanting to be left out, have unanimously decided to rebrand themselves as the “Climate Cynics.” "Why strive for impractical idealism when you can wallow in apathetic scepticism?" was reportedly the leading quote at their recent party meeting. But of course, no one has taped it. And even if they had, it would probably be deleted in the next email clean-up, conveniently falling into the 'net' of the net zero. In a recent heated exchange in the Parliament, while a Green MP passionately spoke on the urgent need to tackle climate change, one of the Tories was overheard muttering to a near colleague, "He sounds like my wife when I forget to put the recycling bins out. Except, his hair is greener." As a nation, we wait with bated breath. Will our future be secured by the fervent dreams of those in the green corner or the level-headed cynicism of the grey suits across the aisle? Only time, and perhaps a few hundred scientific reports, will tell. Tune in next week for our in-depth report titled: "Taxing Air: Exploring the Politicians’ Vision of a Carbon-Taxed Future Where you Pay for Every Breath you Take". And remember, the only thing heating up faster than our planet is this debate.