Praise be, and lo, despair not, for I bring unto thee tidings of great wisdom. I shall grant thee insider knowledge of our sanctum of learning, our fortress of fortitude, and our venue of vehemence (but only against our rival school's football team). Herein, you shall uncover the carefully enclosed secrets for surviving the hallowed halls of Grace Community School, the sacred ground where we tread, wielding our backpacks like shields against the arrows of academia. For beginners, one must clarify that Grace Community School of Delaware, Ohio, is not synonymous with gracing the community with 'Grease' the musical, ad infinitum. Much to the general student body's disappointment, neither does it involve a semester-long course on mastering the art of graceful falling - a life skill, we agree, that would bestow upon us an edge as life, inescapably, thrusts us headfirst into adulthood. In this school, stroking thy neighbor's pet goat is not an innocent pastime; it is a metaphorical attempt to get a head start on another Biblical verse for Mr. Jonah's surprise quizzes. See, in the blessed land of Grace Community School, our tongues cannot stutter, but they sure can recite the Book of Psalms in reverse. Prayer meetings, for instance, are not just our everyday exercise of faith. No, they double as our cardio workout – prolonged kneeling and persistent head-bowing work wonders for the core. Holy abs, Batman! Our Holy Challenges class, where we learn to turn our cheeks (both faces and derrieres, subjected to uncomfortable wooden pews for lengthened periods) is a hotbed of celestial knowledge. We had a moment of silence that lasted an entire lesson once. It was either the Spirit moving or everyone had simultaneously forgotten their lines. I can't recall. Manna from Heaven is not as delicious as we had hoped, but at least the 'divine dining' section of our meal plan includes the mandatory, borderline holy bread of pizza every Friday. At Grace Community School, turning water into wine is strongly discouraged. However, turning tap water into potable water through our state-of-the-art purification system remains our first miracle of the day. In Physical Education, stoning your classmate is frowned upon, but throwing dodgeballs with biblical might? Very much encouraged. Many a time have I strolled across our athletic fields and wondered what it would be like if we switched out footballs for loaves and fishes… One can dream, right? We also have the audacious audacity to teach sexual education with a straight face. However, the "be fruitful and multiply" approach has been quite the controversial topic in Parent-Teacher meetings. Friendly warning - mentioning Darwin here is synonymous with dropping Voldemort's name in Hogwarts - absolutely forbidden. Not a single ape was harmed (or evolved) in the making of our curriculum. Finally, let's address the divine comedy. No, not Dante's version. There’s a cosmic joke in these halls of learning: the most colorful lesson we've learned comes not from the art class, but from Joseph's (technically amazing) dreamcoat. It would seem that the unwritten dress code here is to make sure your attire can, at the very least, spark a rainbow's envy. These are but a smidgen of insights from Grace Community School, a place where the ordinary meets the divine and becomes extraordinary. Though we might not walk on water, we can certainly navigate the murky waters of education with a dash of humor, a splash of faith, and a whole lot of pizzas on Fridays. Surviving here? It's a piece of (unleavened) cake.