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Politics / 7 months ago
Gaza trade broker: Five day ceasefire coupon for 'Buy One, Get One Free' hostage release offer!
image by stable-diffusion
Unprecedented 'Buy One, Get One Free' hostage release deal shakes up Middle East, leaving diplomats scrambling for coupons and nations on edge.
In undoubtedly the most anticipated deal of the year, likely to be flashed on billboards on Times Square and shouted from every minaret across the Middle East, Israel, USA, and Hamas have scored a "Buy One, Get One Free" hostage release deal. So choke on that Black Friday! This precarious, yet entirely novel diplomatic maneuver sees dozens of women and children held captive in Gaza swapped for a peaceful lull of an entire five days in the region's infighting, reported The Washington Post. Some have argued, however, that this resembles more of a daily deal at your local grocery store than a high-stakes international negotiation. Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, while sipping his morning dark roast or perhaps an iced decaf caramel macchiato with a twist of irony, made it clear: "What deal? We're still haggling over whether we want the 5-day violence-free package or whether we can score a free hummus tasting session with it." Meanwhile, across the vast Atlantic Ocean, U.S. officials denied the existence of any deal, yet could not hide the blush on their cheeks. Anonymous insiders stated that they were last seen leafing through coupon books, trying to understand how to apply the "5-days-of-peace" discount code in the diplomatic checkout lane. Despite these public declarations, unnamed sources with surprisingly intimate knowledge of the six-page memo have informed that the hostage release could potentially start unraveling over the next few days. If, by some fortune, no diplomat gets his tie stuck in the fax machine or loses the sacred key to the pen drawer, that is. Commenting on this unprecedented situational whirl, a freshly unemployed clown turned political analyst suggested, "Why not just put the hostages up on eBay? Bid starts at one ceasefire day!" The typically unruly world of geopolitics seems to be taking some unexpected cues from e-commerce. What's next? A two-for-one on disputed territories or a prime membership for exclusive early access to peace talks? Stay tuned for more ground-breaking deals coming straight from the tempestuous auction house of international diplomacy!
posted 7 months ago

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Original title: Tentative Gaza deal reached to free some hostages, pause fighting: report

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