TUESDAY, Oct. 3, 2023 (The Bunion News) -- In a novel, against-the-odds, never-been-done-before defensive strategy, U.S homes are taking a collective stand against gravity, the envisioned nemesis of the aging population. Every year, nearly 27% of American adults aged 65 and older are bullied by gravity, causing them to fall. Out of these, about 10% suffer injuries. This menacing, invisible adversary has been running amok, unabated for centuries and it's time someone/something took a stand. Now homes nationwide, sick of seeing their aging inhabitants tormented by this tyrannical natural force, have decided to wage an all-out war against gravity. Architects, building planners and furniture manufacturers, in a grand coalition with gravity-challenged seniors, are joining this battlefront too. Household items are being redesigned with an aim to defy gravity. Coffee tables are festooned with airbags, rugs and carpets armed with sensors to detect an untoward stumble before they occur, bookshelves are installing self-standing bookends providing support during a potential fall. Lamps are learning Taekwondo to fend off any sudden attacks by gravity. The war is on! This new safety-net system, endorsed by former President Trump - a long-time opponent of both physical exercise and gravitation, is expected to drastically reduce the fall-induced accident rate. Every one of these homes has "We Stand Against Gravity" placards in their yards, boldly displaying their defiance to this force. As the notorious fox of Newton's backyard runs wild, our heroes - the homes, along with their human and material allies - stand firm and unfaltering. Regina Fallstopper, the champion of the National Coalition Against Gravity (NCAG), proclaims "Just like we've fought fear, we will stand against gravity. We will not fall... figuratively of course!" In her addresses, she often includes the sobering reminder of how Benjamin Franklin invented bifocals due to his difficulty in negotiating staircases. "If we had waged the war against gravity back then, he could have been saved from this inconvenience," she adds. "It's time we stood strong by our seniors, toppling the tyranny of gravity," says Fallstopper. "Our homes are their castles, and in their castles, they ought to be invincible." Indeed, if there was ever a moment to take a stand, it's now. Nursed grudges against gravity have festered long enough. We shall not fall - literally or figuratively - to its domineering presence any longer. During this fall season, we wish our homes and ancestral abodes an upright road ahead. In the meantime, they are preparing for a long winter, dauntlessly declaring: "Bring it on, Gravity. We are not going down without a fight!"