At a recent meeting of the Global Council of Climate Minds (GCCM), scientists came together to lambast a country known for its majestic Great Barrier Reef, relentless spiders, and picturesque landscapes, also known as Australia. Their gripe? The country's seemingly self-destructive affinity for a grotesque obsession with fossil fuels, a mode of energy that the rest of the world knows is as passé as floppy disks and bell-bottom jeans. The scientific community, having traced the horrific impacts of climate change – you know, the world-ending phenomenon that some of us are still trying to pretend doesn't exist – back to mankind’s insistence on burning fossils from the Mesozoic era for profit, was understandably baffled by Australia's renewed enthusiasm for coal. "Are they just really into prehistoric plants?" asked Dr. Bjorn Isemelting, leading climate scientist from Sweden. "Or is there something about self-inflicted climate damage that we're missing out on?" The rest of the world, firmly in the throes of the renewable energy romance, has fallen head over heels for wind farms, solar parks, and geothermal power plants. Meanwhile, Australia, like a comically stubborn mule, holds on to a passe passion for black rocks that are dug out of the Earth and then lit on fire. Attempting to fathom the Australian fixation, Dr. Ava Greenleaf from the University of Wellington posed, "Do you think it could be a 'mine is bigger than yours' kind of thing?" speculating on Australia's propensity to boast about having the largest coal reserves in the world. "I mean, New Zealand is right next door with wind turbines and solar panels galore. The competitive spirit does strange things to people." What is most striking is the paradox that within Australia lies under threat some of most vulnerable ecosystems on Earth, including the Great Barrier Reef, the oldest rainforest in the world - the Daintree - and unique fauna found nowhere else. It seems, at least to outside eyes, that Australia is playing a Dickensian villain, gleefully accelerating the doom of a unique world within their national borders. One can only wonder how Australia justifies this reckless return to the dark age of energy to its more forward-thinking population. Perhaps the rhetoric includes enthusiastic renderings of coal mines as magical dinosaur graveyards or even the promise of mate ship with climate change deniers. Regardless, as the GCCM wrapped up their meeting, one scientist wryly remarked, "Maybe Australia just really misses the Ice Age and is striving to create a sequel: The Fire Age." Early signs from the Great Barrier Reef report that coral, fish, and exasperated marine biologists vehemently disagree. As Wombat, the unofficial Australian emissary of native wildlife added, "You lot are really screwing up our digs. Knock it off!" Further comments from Wombat were unsuitable for print. This unfortunate saga continues, and the world watches on with baited breath, wondering which will crack first – Australia’s fossil fuel obsession or the planet itself.