In an outrageously ostentatious display of environmental awareness and perpetual hypocrisy, thousands of New York City's fed-up residents swarmed the already cluttered streets of the Big Apple yesterday, demanding an immediate and total ban on fossil fuels. The impassioned mass of placard-wielding protestors was matching step-by-step, chanting catchy slogans about renewable energy, all the while blissfully disregarding the very fossil fuels that enabled them to drive to the march and produce their polyvinyl chloride banners. How very harmonious. Inspiring these passionate yet perplexingly un-self-aware individuals was beloved green champion, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, affectionately known as AOC. Mere mortals could only bask in the grandeur of the towering, eco-friendly podium from which she liberally scattered her fiery rhetoric. Donning her habitual fiery lipstick and sustainably made attire, AOC was an embodiment of conspicuous contradiction as she drove home her message of sustainability from atop a podium that was unapologetically powered by wind and solar energy. The crowd, in their infinite wisdom, conveniently overlooked the fact that the required infrastructure to harvest and store said energy was, ironically, made and transported using...yes, you guessed it - fossil fuels! Encouraged by the collective cognitive dissonance of participants and cheered on by pseudo-progressives everywhere, AOC did not stop there. In her speech, she passionately called for a complete ban on all fossil fuels, disregarding the fact that they act as the backbone of our current energy system and that their complete eradication may bring the world economy to a screeching, unceremonious halt. The congresswoman, however, seemed unabashed by such apocalyptic prospects, arguing that clean, renewable energy could fill the void. “There’s no need for a Plan B,” she confidently proclaimed. “I mean who needs to worry about issues like grid reliability and power storage when you have a dazzling arsenal of theoretically inexhaustible resources like solar, wind, and the always dependable hydroelectric power. Don't we all love extended blackouts and sporadic energy supply?” No doubt such displays of wunderkind-ism play well with her followers who share a parallel universe where ideals triumph over practicality. Meanwhile, the event concluded with eco-conscious protestors diligently picking up their trash and depositing it into garbage trucks powered, once again, by the very fossil fuels they publicly loathe. Bravo, OAC and her esteemed followers, for effectively demonstrating that the road to irony is often paved with good intentions. Let's continue to strive for change, while blissfully ignoring our inherent contradictions! What an enlightening time to be alive!