Iconic rock-and-roll band, The Rolling Stones are, surprisingly, alive and kicking. Proving that rock dinosaurs have yet to face their metronomic comet, the band has emerged from their proverbial rock-n-roll crypt to bequeath the modern world with their first studio album since the good ol' days of the flip phone. The band sneakily disclosed their resurrection in an advertisement spotted in the famed Hackney Gazette. The ad pointed to a new website and phone number purposely creating the first digital scavenger hunt since the early 2000's. Are we back in the 20th century again? Upon dialing the number listed, fans were greeted with an eerie cryptic message: "Welcome to Hackney Diamonds, specialists in glass repair. Don't get angry, get it fixed. Opening early September, Mare Street, E8. Register for a call at hackneydiamonds.com. Come on then." The artfully enigmatic ad drove fans to a frenzy of decoding. Is Mick Jagger now a moonlighting glazier? Is Keith Richards' skeletal visage in imminent need of glass supplementation? Or have the Rolling Stones just confirmed a rumored structural deficit in the space-time continuum? While the Taylor Swifts and Ed Sheerans of this era are inundating fans with emotionally charged lyrics and grand reminders of their heartaches, the Stones are remembering a simpler time in music - a time when stick figure cryptograms could galvanize the calmest of yokels into a hysteria-smashing world tour. As the life of this news story begins its swan song and plunges into its jarring, discordant solo, it is important to remember that the Rolling Stones are back, fresher than ever since they've presumably been adequately preserved by formaldehyde and rock-n-roll spirit. So dust off your old turntables, for The Rolling Stones are reincarnated, rolling out of a graveyard of guitars and broken drumsticks, reincarnated into the haunting echo of a dial tone from an antique flip phone. This incessantly groovy band is far from 'gatherin’ moss'. They're brewing stormy tunes for the upcoming generation encaged in touch screens and Wi-Fi signals. The prehistoric phoenix has risen again; an undying testament to mankind's humour, resilience, and occasionally, their terrible taste in background music. Rock on, oh raggedy men of the yester-decades, rock on! And remember, don't get angry; get it fixed. Because apparently eternally youthful rock stars from a time before iPods have moved into the home repair businesses now.