In a bold move to transform mundane contract signing into a festive jamboree, Toronto has officially announced the launch of its first annual “Seal the Deal” festival. This groundbreaking event will combine the excitement of legal paperwork with the culinary delight of poutine, ensuring that business professionals and food enthusiasts alike have something to celebrate. Mayor Doug Ford, sporting a poutine-stained suit, proudly declared, “What better way to honor the fine art of contracts than by slathering them in gravy and cheese curds? We’re not just signing on the dotted line; we’re making it delicious!” The festival will take place in Nathan Phillips Square, where specially constructed booths will feature lawyers, notaries, and even a few concerned baristas who’d like to remind everyone, “There are no refunds on signed contracts,” all while serving gourmet poutines in every conceivable variety. Attendees will be encouraged to sign their contracts while enjoying a plateful of “Delectable Deals: Classic French Fries” topped with a saucy blend of legalese gravy and squeaky cheese curds. Poutine-themed contracts will also be a hit, with clauses such as “If you don’t like this poutine, you’re legally obligated to at least pretend you do,” and “Losing a fry is grounds for arbitration.” One Toronto entrepreneur, who admits to signing four different contracts in the hopes of securing his dream food truck, gushed, “I never knew paperwork could be this much fun! Plus, if my business fails, at least I still have poutine to drown my sorrows!” The festival’s pièce de résistance will be the “Poutine-Pen Signing Ceremony!” Participants can ink their contracts with novelty pens that double as gravy boats, because even bureaucratic processes deserve a little flair. A psychic contracted to predict the future of attendees’ businesses will also be available to whisper sweet nothings, or maybe sinister warnings, depending on how the gravy is running that day. Critics have already emerged—most notably from the Legal Association Against Gravy-Smeared Documents. “This is a slippery slope,” one lawyer proclaimed, gripping their briefcase like it contained the last remaining Van Gogh. “Pretty soon people will be printing contracts on napkins and calling it ‘art’!” Not to be outdone, rival culinary cities have begun plotting similar festivals. Montreal has teased “Signatures & Swiss” featuring fondue, while Vancouver has hinted at “Cabbage and Contracts,” where attendees will, no doubt, be legally obligated to eat healthily (an atrocity, according to local opinion). But for now, Toronto is embracing this unique blend of bureaucracy and culinary indulgence. Tickets for the “Seal the Deal” festival are free, but those who enter must first sign a waiver confirming they accept the potential for rich carbs to impact their bottom line. As the launch date approaches, many wonder: can a city really afford to mix the seriousness of contract signing with the silliness of poutine? An honest answer may not be forthcoming—after all, paperwork can sometimes be as messy as gravy on a white shirt. But one thing is for sure: in the world of Toronto festivities, where there’s a will, there’s a way… and perhaps also a liberal sprinkling of cheese curds.