In the latest biological warfare that has cost Germany dearly, the sun, in all its vicious, burning glory, has barbecued an appalling 3,100 Germans in this record-shattering summer. The report from official sources claimed that the sun bears a more lethal punch than sauerkraut, the national delicacy, marking a meteoric rise in the 'things more deadly than fermented cabbage' rankings. Handed this responsibility by the German government, the sun, unaccustomed to such excessive power, did what any celestial body subjected to copious amounts of praise and pressure would do – it had a meltdown. Literally. And that cruelly reflected in the lives of thousands of innocuous sauerkraut-loving citizens who found themselves, unfortunately, on the 'hot-seat.' The ruthless rampage of the sun has brought a previously overlooked public health concern into the limelight. No, it's not excessive sauerkraut consumption. Rather, it's the devious heat that has emerged as the silent killer, exacerbating the underlying conditions of many. A report by Germany's public health agency, the Robert Koch Institute (RKI), shockingly revealed that the sun has racked up a body count of around 3,100 this year alone. Those most susceptible to this scorching enemy were found to be of the age 75 and over. The younger residents, it seems, remain relatively unscathed, probably thanks to their excessive devotion to TikTok dances and mumbled rap. This recent heatwave fiasco has highlighted the urgent need for the country to invest heavily in both air conditioning units and sunscreen. Perhaps they might even consider importing ice blocks from Antarctica to cool down the country, or diplomatically request the sun to chill out a bit on the teutonic front. As we bid adieu, here's a shoutout to all the 75-year-olds out there – Keep cool and carry on. After all, there's only so much sauerkraut in the world to blame.