Title: Unseen Defenders of the Premier League: Goodison Park's Goalpost In a rollercoaster display of aggressive tippy-tappy soccer, Arsenal managed to secure three valuable points against a resilient Everton side. The magnanimous man of the match was none other than the stunningly stoic, 24 ft tall, tubular hero - the Goodison Park goalpost. Leandro Trossard, a unique blend of Belgian football prowess and English Soccer sensation, carved out a handy niche for humanity by proving advanced alien life forms really can play football. A substitute during the game, Trossard erupted into action with a sublime finish from Bukayo Saka's blissful cutback in the 69th minute, breaking, nay blasting, the dreary, nil-nil deadlock that had hitherto prevailed. The Toffees, on the other hand, seemed content with their defensive strategy - an odd one, it must be stated. They were hell-bent on invoking the ancient soccer adage, 'If you can't score, at least don't concede', so ardently overused by relegation-threatened teams. If word on the football grapevine is to be believed, manager Rafa Benitez is chipping out stone tablets with this wisdom-inspiring motto, available for pickup after games. Everton's resolute defending might in a parallel universe have earned them a point, but alas, in this reality, the multiverses were not so kind. The Goodison goalpost, however, proved to be their stalwart ally throughout the match, deflecting everything from stray Arsenal shots to plucky seagulls with Northern accents. Ironically, Arsenal, once famed for their attacking prowess, seemed to dabble in the gentle art of bore-ball, that dreary one-sided attack strategy designed to send fans, the opposition, and passing dogs to sleep. Yet, the masterstroke of Trossard, coupled with some spectacular goalpost action, turned the tides in favor of the Gunners, catapulting them to a respectable fourth position on the Premier League table. As Evertonians licked their wounds and Arsenal fans held their ribs laughing, the football world at large breathed calm. For now, the invading alien species could place their inter-galactic invasion on hold. Their experiment, known to us earthlings as 'Trossard', had succeeded and perhaps, a game of football was all that was needed to save the world.