In a bold move that sent shockwaves across the elite educational landscape, President Donald Trump declared that Harvard University would soon be stripped of its tax-exempt status, insisting that not even the hallowed halls of academia were safe from his brand of economic fairness. “If you think you’re going to waltz through life with a fancy degree and a free ride on the backs of hardworking Americans, you’ve got another thing coming!” Trump tweeted while brandishing a tax code like a rebellious teenager brandishing a hammer. The announcement came after weeks of the President leaning into his favorite pastime: threatening bureaucratic institutions he deems too snooty for their own good. Moments before hitting "send," Trump was reportedly seen scribbling notes to himself that read: “Harvard — too many overeducated liberals. #NoFreeLunch!” In a stunning twist, Harvard’s response was akin to that of a 16-year-old caught sneaking out past curfew. “We don’t need your stinking tax exemptions. We prefer our students to go into debt learning about gender studies and underwater basket weaving rather than buying into your ‘Make America Great Again’ nonsense!” a fictional Harvard spokesperson lamented while standing beside a stack of distance-learning diplomas that might as well have come from a cereal box. As the news rolled out, social media exploded in a frenzy of memes depicting Trump riding a giant tax code while lassoing a bewildered Harvard lion. Outside the gates of Harvard, students gathered to protest, holding signs that read, “Make Taxation Great Again!” as they sipped artisanal almond milk lattes while wearing overpriced rebukes to corporate capitalism. Meanwhile, Trump’s team began brainstorming ways to replace the lost revenue. Rumor has it they’re considering partnering with some of the world's top universities to create the first-ever online degree in “Taxation, Confrontation, and Public Dismay,” which will prominently feature a finance course titled “How to Effectively Yell at the IRS.” In a twist of irony, analysts have pointed out that without tax exemptions, many institutions like Harvard may struggle to maintain their lavish lifestyles, leading to a world where future students find themselves grappling with decisions like "Should I take out another loan for that legendary campus dorm with a pool table, or just settle for the dorm without the private sauna?" “The best part is we’re going to win so much that even the college kids are going to be sick of winning!” Trump added in a follow-up tweet. In a closing gesture, he hinted that if Harvard couldn’t handle the heat, they could always consider a career in reality TV where they can get paid to pretend everything is fine. As the world watches on, one thing is clear: if Trump has his way, the only thing more inflated than student loans is going to be his ego.