Politics / 19 days ago
Trump Woos Texas Governor with Promise of Less Work, More Barbeques Amidst Border Visit
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Trump woos Texas governor with promises of less work and more barbeques, forging a meaty alliance at the U.S-Mexico border visit.
EDINBURG, Texas – In a dazzling display of political wooing, Donald Trump, the perfectly bronzed once and maybe future commander-in-chief, promised Texas Governor Greg Abbott that he would have less work and more barbeques amidst a visit to the U.S-Mexico border. This must surely be a relief for Abbott, as any governor knows, barbeques are far more essential to running a state than pesky work.
In his patented and subtlety nuanced ‘Trump style,’ the ex-president unveiled his big surprise-like-your-aunt-at-Thanksgiving-fourth-helping-of-pie strategy at a buzzing Edinburg airport hangar, with a whopping crowd of 150 awestruck fans.
"I'm just saying, Abbott, everyone loves a good barbeque, I throw the best barbeques - I know sirloin, and I know brisket," Trump reportedly told a bewildered Abbott, "I'm a meat master." Abbott, presumably reeling from this carnivorous promise, nodded in agreement as he mentally rearranged his itinerary to accommodate the onslaught of barbeques.
Trump assured Abbott that his hard-line immigration policies in a rumored second term would make the governor's "job much easier" and would potentially convert the border into a picturesque steak-grilling haven. The connection between border policies and barbeques remains unclear to most, but many are speculating that the smoke from the grills might discourage migrants or maybe just replace labor laws with Texas brisket recipes.
For Abbott, ever the loyal ally and fellow barbeque enthusiast, his endorsement of Trump couldn’t have been sweeter. He stated, quite emotionally, "You had me at brisket, Mr. President." To which Trump allegedly responded, "I do throw the best briskets, everybody says so." The bromance at the hangar was palpable.
At the event's conclusion, the audience was reportedly prompted to chant: "Four more years of ribs and beer!" A chant that might soon replace Texas’s actual state slogan if Trump's promises pan out. The hangar then morphed into an impromptu barbeque cookout to the delight of the 150 attendees. For now, Greg Abbott, the governor of Texas, waits with bated breath and a spatula in hand for the reign of “Trump’s Texas Steakouts.” Meanwhile, Texas looks forward to less work, more brisket, and the aromatic smoky promise that is the Trump-Abbott era.
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Original title: During visit to border, Texas governor endorses Trump
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