In a heroic move that is sure to be celebrated in history books, war diaries, and vodka-soaked pub tales for years to come, Ukraine’s military might has emerged victorious in their ongoing epic saga to reclaim the village of Klishchiivka from the clearly-thought-knew-it-better Donetsk Oblast. The village, with a population tallying nearly enough to require a second abacus bead, was taken back in a symbolic struggle that's been steadily going on longer than most people's subscriptions to Netflix. "After months of effort and stamina that could only compare to a sloth running a marathon, we have finally secured Klishchiivka," declared General Oleksandr Syrskyi, the commanding officer of Ukraine's Ground Forces, an apparent believer in sharing news as quickly as it comes, via a message sent on Telegram. Because if you’re going to announce strategic victories, what could be more reliable than a messaging app? It seems that to ensure this feat, Ukraine had to unleash no less than three brigades, each with a title more formidable than the last. The 5th Separate Assault Brigade, the 80th Air Assault Brigade, and the ferociously titled Liut, or "Anger", National Police Assault Brigade. If you’re not sure which is which, just remember: the angrier they sound, the further down the list they are. Meanwhile, Canada – the Super-Nice Guys of global politics – has selflessly forked out nearly $25 million to bolster Ukraine's air defense. The Canadian Foreign Minister, having just returned from his weekly politeness course, said during a press conference: "Eh, they need our help, buddy. It’s the least we can do, don’t ya know.” Evidently, Canada’s plan for world peace involves casually dropping millions on air defenses, the same way you might splash out on a particularly fancy coffee machine during a Black Friday sale. In the end, it's still a mystery why Donetsk Oblast and Klishchiivka couldn’t just sort it out with a friendly game of chess or, at most, an aggressive foosball match. But now, with the Canadians onboard, perhaps some ice hockey diplomacy is in the offing. Whatever the case, here’s hoping there’s a group discount on therapy. So there you have it: Klishchiivka is back in Ukrainian hands, Canada’s playing Good Samaritan, and there's more than likely going to be a lifetime Netflix series about it before you know it.