In a world where diplomatic chess is played with uranium snacks, the United States and Iran are preparing to hash out details over their nuclear futures this weekend. The big question remains: who will be responsible for bringing the nuclear snacks to the negotiation table? Sources close to the negotiations have revealed that the U.S. is pushing for a "bring your own uranium" (BYOU) policy, demanding that Iran sources its enrichment material from international markets instead of self-sustaining its own nuclear ambitions. Secretary of State Marco Rubio stated, "We envision a joyous future where Iran doesn't throw its own nuclear parties but rather attends one hosted by others, complete with all the uranium hors d'oeuvres it could ever desire." Meanwhile, Iranian officials have laughed off the notion of being spectators in their own nuclear dance. Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi is reportedly prepared to arrive at the talks with an elaborate selection of snacks, including various dips and salsas infused with low-enriched uranium. "If we can’t enrich our own materials,” he proclaimed, “we might as well spice things up!” As both sides gear up for constructive tête-à-tête, a burgeoning debate has emerged over the best condiments to pair with their respective atomic appetizers. Some experts argue that mustard gas would make an interesting dip, while others maintain that a classic hummus would provide a more neutral and agreeable flavor profile. The negotiating table is expected to resemble a potluck dinner more than a high-stakes diplomatic event, with both sides bringing their strongest flavors to the table. Iran has suggested offering traditional Persian treats, while the U.S. is already in talks with several major snack brands to sponsor the event and provide complimentary popcorn—possibly seasoned with diplomacy for extra flavor. In an unexpected twist, both sides have agreed to a "non-proliferation popcorn" policy, which forbids any additives or surreptitious butter injection while the talks are underway—a compromise that has left many laughing over the irony that everything, including snacks, is under scrutiny at these high-stakes negotiations. So as the world closely watches this culinary-based diplomacy showdown in the making, one can only hope that the nuclear snacks will lead to a fruitful discussion. Otherwise, tensions could rise faster than an unattended microwave burrito as both sides scramble for a balance of flavors on the nuclear palate. And remember, if you’re bringing snacks to the negotiation table? Always ensure the uranium is properly labeled—no one wants a misunderstanding!