The Tomatometer, Rotten Tomatoes' revered movie rating machine, has called everyone out with its latest revelation – ominous drumroll, please! – Every single movie from celluloid master Martin Scorsese is better than your personal favorite! Yes, even that one. No, not even "The Notebook" stands a chance. The Tomatometer, known for its brutal honesty and unyielding judgement, has exposed a shocking secret that Scorsese himself probably didn't know – every stinking masterpiece he's rolled out since the 1970s is objectively superior to your number one flick. Take an introspective moment here, folks, for we've lived in oblivion for far too long. Whether you're a staunch ally of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, a devout worshipper at the altar of Disney, or a Winslet-in-Titanic level sucker for romance, the fact remains irrefutable – Scorsese has outdone you. Heck, even if your beloved movie is a Scorsese classic like "Casino" or "Gangs of New York," turns out another Scorsese movie is probably still classier. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola, the Hollywood trio you thought was Scorsese's equal, have been bested according to this unforgiving algorithm. Checkmate, my friends. No need to give that Star Wars box set a pitying look; we understand, the truth hurts. In the ground-breaking 1970s, when invasive studio interference was given the boot, and filming permits were mere suggestions, Scorsese and his band of rebel filmmakers strutted onto the scene. And boy, have they danced their way into movie history, to the rhythm of an ever-climbing Tomatometer! This bombshell has left film lovers divided into two camps: One, those questioning their taste in movies; two, those questioning the state of Tomatometer's calibration. Meanwhile, the trusty folks in Camp Scorsese are high-fiving each other at the confirmation of what they knew all along! No official statement has been issued by Martin Scorsese yet. He is probably too absorbed in making his next movie that's destined to dwarf your favorite, bless him! Try not to drown in despair as you reconsider your lifetime of film preferences. Repeated viewings of "Pulp Fiction" or "The Dark Knight" may help you cope. Or perhaps now is the time to get your hands on that Scorsese collection you've never given much thought to. Happy viewing!